Resistance

I wanted to FEEL loved.

My favorite movie line is in The Breakup, “I want you to WANT to do the dishes.”

I thought I wanted someone to understand me, so I overexplained myself and why I felt how I felt.

But I didn’t.

What I wanted was for someone to WANT to understand me.

I found that person who wants that more than anything.

What RESONATES with us does so because it serves US and points us toward becoming who we want to become. The version of us living the life we want, among the people we love, doing what we want to do, feeling safe and secure in the moment and knowing, THIS is my life.

Life is the constant flow of OUR energy TOWARDS or AWAY FROM the path to the person we want to become.

Energy we RESIST feels outside of our control.

Hence the negative energy we feel when we come upon it.

What we feel in our body is the resistance to letting go of a past version of us and step [back] onto the path that life is guiding us onto.

The path to becoming who WE want to become.

The person we want to become is one who matters. Some the world will remember.

The world that matters is what matters to YOU. The people, the memories, the experiences and connections that make your heart smile.

Your energy IS how you feel.

Your opinions, what resonates with you and what doesn’t, what you resist and what you embrace, your ideas, perception and insights.

Your perspective is what guides your perceptions.

Whether you look back or look ahead, where YOU fit within YOUR life is what determines how much something resonates with you or not.

Negative emotions are nothing more than resistance within you.

What you’re resisting is the connection between your current self and your future self because your past self is not yet ready to let go. Why?

Resistance is what makes life either interesting or hard.

YOU get to decide which.

Life is the period of growth between birth and death. It’s the time we spend LIVING here on Earth, IN our body, figuring out how to become more and bigger of what and whom we want to be.

What makes a person’s energy feel big or small?

Yoga has taught me how to engage with my body, no longer asking for permission to exist.

I envision the Vitruvian Man inside one big circle, taking up space, needing no permission to exist within it.

My left side is my past. My right side is my future. My body exists between them, in the NOW.

That time is MINE.

I MAKE time for this because it feels good and is important to me.

Other people may resist that connection. The time. The body.

The anxiety that can come with being present.

I use yoga to allow anxiety to move THRU me.

I'm far less reactive and in far less pain.

But that's MY experience.

This writing is intended to be about resistance.

Pain is resistance leaving the body. Tension is the early formation of pain.

I've always wanted to fly. To feel as free as a bird or butterfly moving through the wind.

The world moves.

They move.

What gets in their way, they go around (usually).

What gets in OUR way?

As humans, WE get in our own way as we FEEL our way through life.

Time moves.

We move.

Where's the resistance?

People.

That's where we find it.

Other people's expectations, desires and opinions.

Wanting to connect, then discerning who and what matters.

Wanting to matter to them. Wanting to know WHY we matter.

The words we say authentically and the words we say IN THE MOMENT may not always be the same. In the moment, we're feeling whatever we're feeling and attracting more reasons to feel that way.

The law of attraction can be scary if you believe in it but don't understand it.

We understand electricity and momentum.

What we don't understand is what makes us US.

How does everything we know about energy apply to us as humans?

That's what I've been trying to share or teach.

Being who I’ve been, being who I am, only a select few could hear me and not all the time.

A good friend once told me, “When people seem to not be listening, keep talking.”

Of all the people to tell me that, this was the one person who, at the time, I wanted to hear me.

So I listened. I don’t ask of anyone what I won’t do myself.

If I want you to listen, I listen, as long as my nervous system allows.

Back to yoga.

As I breathe in, I appreciate how far I've come and where I am now.

I'm breathing LIFE in.

As I breathe out, I release resistance and pain.

I'm letting go of a breath I already breathed.

I'll never breathe that breath again.

So I cherish it.

I cherish the moment.

I stay in a pose that feels good.

I inhale to say, I did it!

As I exhale, I move, or I take it a little bit farther.

Money is another place where resistance gets interesting.

Money carries POWERFUL energy. Whether we resist it or attract it, appreciate it or take it for granted, what it means to you is what it means to you.

For some, it's power. For others, connection. For most, it's security and freedom.

Money is simply an exchange of value. A placeholder. A token of exchange.

Imagine one man with a horse who needs a bull to sire his cow.

Another man has the bull but doesn't need a horse.

They each decide what the horse is worth to HIM.

They each want what they want for their own reasons.

Enter a third man. He wants the horse and has what the second man wants. No bull involved.

Money becomes the token that allows the exchange.

The value isn't really the money or the livestock.

It's the leverage each person has because they have something someone else wants.

What does this have to do with resistance and emotions?

That's my opinion. Tell me yours.

That’s what this conversation is all about.

Man 1 may be frustrated because he doesn't have what he needs.

Man 2 sees an opportunity to BE important to someone.

He asks, “How much is it worth to you?”

He holds the power in that exchange.

Then Man 3 wants what Man 1 once had.

The money simply moves the value from one exchange to another.

Money just IS.

It isn't good or bad.

It doesn't solve everything.

It gives you options.

With money, you can hire someone to do what you can't or don't want to do.

Life becomes more convenient.

You don't always have to be nice to get what you want because most people value money more than what you think or want.

As I learned to build and run a business, I learned that what people pay for and what they want are often not the same thing.

What makes us willing to spend is resonance and desire.

But what we're resonating with and the desire we're pursuing are often not what we think they are.

That's where resistance around money comes from.

We BUY what we want, not what we need.

We buy results.

A doctor can tell you to lose weight and you don't.

Tell you that you can live longer, feel healthier and have more energy to LIVE with more confidence .... and suddenly you're willing.

Bills demand to be paid.

Creditors demand recognition.

"You OWE us. How do you intend to pay?"

Money feels INTIMIDATING when you don't have it.

How bad do you want it?

What are you willing to do or give up FOR it?

How much and what kind of Time, Money and Energy do you have to GIVE?

Between time, money and energy, we think only energy is infinite.

Time and money are limited, right?

Wrong.

The time and money WE have may be limited, but they're exchangeable.

We trade time for money until we realize how to play the game.

What we don't understand is the value of time.

Because over time, as we allow it, our energy grows.

While, over time, the value of money APPRECIATES, doesn't it?

What about your energy? Has that appreciated?

Has anyone (especially YOU) taken the time to recognize how much you've grown?

How well are you doing?,

No matter what you've been going through.

Who is appreciating who you are today, as opposed to who you've been?

I’m no longer the stressed out, single mom of 2 boys.

I’m no longer a friend of some people.

I’m no longer the 15-year-old girl who fell in love with the beautiful, bad boy who broke her heart.

I’m no longer the one that got away from him.

Now, I’m who he won over TIME.

By having faith in knowing what FEELS right.

I'm no longer the daughter of the two people who MADE me.

I am the culmination of the decisions I've made over time.

The healed version of the girl who carried and fixed everyone else's pain while wondering WHY anyone liked her.

I felt needed, not wanted.

Triggered by resistance, unsolicited advice and doubt about my intentions, I thought I wanted one thing, but it turned out to be another.

What I wanted and what I thought I wanted will become clear as you get to know me.

I used to want everyone to like me. I got over that.

Then I thought I wanted to change the whole world. That would be nice.

But MY world is what matters.

I thought money cheapened my message, making me afraid to charge.

I wasn't even sure what I was charging for.

I was mad at a world for not listening, for not hearing me.

I was mad at myself for not knowing what to say.

I was mad at anyone who doubted me or my message.

Then I was mad at how they used or didn't use their TIME.

I was trying to control EVERYTHING.

How people felt about me.

How they thought about me.

How they thought about life and themselves.

People would ask me why it mattered so much what other people thought about me.

I teach a philosophy about letting go that contradicts that.

When people say, “What other people think of you does not matter,”

I disagree.

It depends on who they are and why they feel the way they do. (Consider the "Source")

The people whose words I resisted, who complimented and loved me before I could love myself, MATTER.

If someone hadn't challenged my disdain for myself, I wouldn't know who I am.

If people hadn't challenged my ego and my words, I wouldn't know why they matter to me.

When I feel challenged by someone, it is MY job to discern whether the fight is worth MY time and energy.

Who and what am I fighting? For what?

Who or what am I protecting?

Is it worth this fight?

Is it worth MY time and energy?

As with everything, I like to ask: How bad do you want it?

How much time and energy are YOU willing to invest?

In what? In whom?

What could you gain? What could you lose?

There's truth to what the Borg said in Star Trek:

“Resistance is futile.” Hahaha.

Until I decide what and how I will charge, donations are welcome and, especially right now, IMMENSELY appreciated.

My creditors are telling me that I'm out of money.

My life is telling me I'm running out of time.

All I have to give is my energy.