Resistance
Updated: Oct 30
This isn’t a lecture — it’s a conversation. Scroll down to add YOUR energy to it.
I wanted to FEEL loved.
My favorite movie line is in The Breakup, “I want you to WANT to do the dishes.”
I THOUGHT I wanted someone to understand me, so I overexplained myself and why I felt how I felt.
But I didn’t.
What I wanted Is for someone to WANT to understand me.
I found that person who CLAIMS TO want that more than anything.
What he actually wants is to understand himself and his own energy.
His connection to me goes back to our teen years. We were each other's FIRST loves.
Today, I understand why. I understand EVERYTHING. Me. Him. Energy.
Why each and either of us became who we are, and why anything and everything matters.
I understand why what matters does or doesn't matter, to me and to him.
I understand why what is CLAIMED TO not matter may, in fact, matter more than anything.
To understand RESISTANCE. To make sense out of everything.
Feelings, energy, what works out and what doesn't and WHY.
My father wanted CONTROL of me, but lacked control in his own energy.
My mother wanted ZERO control. Control meant responsibility, a burden, a commitment to what IS.
If I don't like what is, why would I want to commit to it?
Resistant to appreciating ANYTHING.
Why does that matter? Why would you care? Because what I realized has the potential to change the world. I know how it changed mine.
We talked recently about what our parents turned out to be proud of us for.
It's not my place to tell you his, but I'll tell you mine.
My father was proud that I COULD do anything.
My mother, despite her resistance to tell me, in her actions, told me that she's proud THAT I DID do what I wanted.
Not even knowing in full what that was/is.
What RESONATES with us does so because it serves US and points us TOWARD becoming who WE want to become.
Life is nothing more than a series of journeys.
Premonitions are just memories remembered in the wrong order (Quoted from Dr. Who)
We all have them. We just don't stop to recognize them or OWN them.
We create OUR own future by FEELING our way through each journey.
We resist BECOMING the next version of us.
The version of us living the life WE want, among people we LOVE, doing what we WANT to do, feeling SAFE and SECURE in the moment and KNOWING, THIS is my life.
A life where vacations are simply adventures we take, not getaways from a life that's exhausting.
A life where income is earned by just being who we are, not chasing dollars to feed a life designed by someone other than US.
Compulsion feels NECESSARY, as if we'll DIE if we don't.
Inspiration is that resonance, that spontaneous urge that, seemingly, comes from nowhere.
Resistance is a fear of stepping into YOUR next evolution.
The Law of Attraction brings us more reasons to feel how we feel (no matter what feeling that is)
What feels GOOD (positive, healthy) draws us closer to who we WANT to become.
Resistance is what causes what's NEGATIVE (bad, unhealthy, whatever YOU choose to call it)
Life is the constant flow of OUR energy TOWARDS or AWAY FROM the path to the person WE want to become.
Energy we RESIST feels outside of our control.
Hence the negative energy we feel when we come upon it.
What we feel in our body is the weight of who we WERE.
Resistance to LETTING GO of a past version of us and step [back] onto the path that life is guiding us onto.
The path to becoming who WE want to become.
The person we want to become is one who matters. The version of YOU the world will remember.
The world that matters is what matters to YOU.
The people, the memories, the experiences and connections that make your heart smile.
Your energy IS how you FEEL.
Your opinions, what resonates with you and what doesn’t, what you resist and what you embrace, your ideas, perception and insights.
Your perspective is what guides your perception of self.
If you don't like how you feel, only YOU can change that, but we resist. Why?
Self-worth. Why WE think we matter. What if we have a negative self-perception?
Whether you look back or look ahead, where YOU fit within YOUR life is what determines how much something resonates with you or not.
Negative emotions are nothing more than resistance within YOU.
What you’re resisting is the connection between your current self and your future self because your past self is not yet ready to let go. Why?
Resistance is what makes life either interesting or hard.
YOU get to decide which by how you react to challenges as they come upon you.
Life is the period of growth between manifestation and death.
It’s the time we spend LIVING here on Earth, IN our body, figuring out how to become MORE and BIGGER of what and whom we WANT to be.
What makes a person’s energy feel big or small?
Yoga has taught me how to engage with my body, no longer seeking permission to EXIST.
I envision the Vitruvian Man inside one big circle (shown in the image), TAKING UP SPACE, needing no PERMISSION to exist within it.
My left side is my past. My right side is my future.
My body exists between them, in the NOW.
That time is MINE. MY time with MY body, uninterrupted.
I MAKE time for this because it feels good and is important to me.
On most mornings, I start my day connecting with people over yoga.
We practice together, share space and time with each other.
Almost anything I do with anyone, I do FOR the connection.
Once a compulsion, now an invitation, into the lives of the people whose energy I've attracted.
Other people resist that connection. The time. The body. Sometimes the people.
Anxiety comes with being present, until you can exhale and land in it.
Land in NOW, being STILL in the moment.
Nervous energy, unsteadiness, uncertainty cause us to wobble.
Anxiety is simply a desire to live IN a future moment.
A future moment in which you appreciate everything about who you have already become.
Satisfied, at peace, contented and satiated within their own life.
Surrounded by people with whom they resonate, feeling less challenged, having let go of resistance.
The question is what and why are you resisting? Why is life feeling so hard for you these days?
Well, only YOU can answer that. Despite any advice or well-intentioned connection, why does what push your buttons, and why do we allow what we allow? Disrespect. Dismissal. Invalidation. Unfortunately, it gets to the point of abuse.
What does that mean? What can we do about it?
How do we know who we can count on or not? Why do we try so hard when we feel stuck?
Feeling dismissed, I went inward to determine what I was so desperately seeking validation for.
Being ME, but who am I? I knew for myself, but I felt invisible to the world and the universe developed its sense of humor. Hahaha
Between an identity theft and the dismissal of my resume (all my life's WORK experience), the message that I heard became clear:
"Nobody cares who you were. That's no longer who you ARE.
Who you ARE is who YOU have always wanted to become."
I used yoga to allow anxiety to move THRU me.
For me, yoga has been a life-altering experience.
I'm far less reactive and in far less pain.
But that's MY experience.
This writing is intended to be about RESISTANCE.
Pain is resistance leaving the body. Tension is the early formation of pain.
I've always wanted to fly. To feel as free as a bird or butterfly moving through the wind.
The world moves.
They move.
What gets in their way, they go around (usually).
What gets in OUR way?
As humans, WE get in our own way as we FEEL our way through life.
Time moves.
We move.
Where's the resistance?
People.
That's where we find it.
In OTHER PEOPLE's expectations, desires and opinions.
Remember that the law of attraction draws to you more reasons to feel how YOU feel.
You have/are YOUR energy. They have/are THEIR energy.
They either mirror or challenge us, as we do the same for them.
Not even knowing, where THEY are. Maybe not even realizing where WE are.
We blame them (anyone, others) for MAKING us feel how we feel.
They may blame us for the same, without knowing.
Who's blaming who for what matters not.
It's all just telling about YOU.
The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions
Today, I live in MY Heaven. I traveled through my own Hell to get here.
All I wanted was to help, to support, to connect, to MATTER.
Wanting to connect, we try to discern who and what matters to whom.
We want to matter to them, too.
Wanting to feel important to someone, to be anyone's priority.
Wanting to know WHY or HOW we might matter.
We may agree when we don't.
We may dismiss disrespectful behavior, laugh at jokes we don't find funny. Why?
Why do we LIE?
Are we lying to them, or ourselves?
Wanting to be missed in our absence, and, instead, feeling judged.
As we judge ourselves through the disapproving eyes of who WE think matters:
Prioritizing other people's opinions and feelings over our own, as if they and how THEY feel matters more than how WE feel,
We may hesitate to set boundaries (dismiss what we call red flags), afraid to say no to ANY invitation, to anything or the insinuation of an opportunity to matter.
If we're not there to insert our energy into a situation, nobody would know we want to, we could, or why it might matter.
Desperate for connection, for understanding, wanting someone to want us for who we ARE.
Not who who we were, who we've been, or for our "potential" (who we MIGHT become)
The words we say authentically and the words we say IN THE MOMENT may not always be the same.
In the moment, we're feeling whatever we're feeling and attracting more reasons to feel that way.
The law of attraction can be scary if you believe in it but don't understand it.
That's where superstitions come from. (Many are true, only misunderstood, taken out of context.)
We understand electricity and momentum.
What we don't understand is what makes us US.
How does everything we know about energy apply to us as humans?
That's what I've been trying to share or teach.
Being who I’ve been, being who I am, only a select few could hear me and not all the time.
A good friend once told me, “When people seem to not be listening, keep talking.”
Of all the people to tell me that, this was the one person who, at the time, I wanted to HEAR me.
So I listened. I don’t ask of anyone what I won’t do myself.
If I want you to listen, I listen, as long as my nervous system allows.
Back to yoga.
As I breathe in, I appreciate how far I've come and where I am now.
I'm breathing LIFE in.
When focused on one side, before switching to the other, I inhale to "land" in NOW.
As I breathe out, I release resistance and pain.
I'm letting go of a breath I already breathed.
I'll never breathe that breath again.
I've already lived that or those moment(s).
So I cherish it. I exhale with CONTROL.
I balance the top half of my body with the bottom, I strengthem MY center of gravity (my core).
I balance one side with the other and realize where parts of my body compensate for parts that are simply not engaging enough. Whether I'm physically hurt or just tense, or reminded of a past injury.
I cherish the moment.
I stay in a pose that feels good.
I inhale to say, I did it!
As I exhale, I move into the next position, or I take it a little bit farther.
Between the inhale and exhale is an apex, when you've inhaled all the life your body needs.
Close your eyes and keep inhaling. What happens for you?
I can feel my heart beat, almost taste the heartbeat in my throat, wanting and waiting to be EXHALED, to be released.
When I finally exhale, I keep exhaling, slowly, in MY time, in NO rush, I keep letting go.
Until I gasp. I have now made room for more life, more air.
The Energy of Money
Money is another place where resistance gets interesting.
Money carries POWERFUL energy because we rely on it so much.
Whether we resist it or attract it, appreciate it or take it for granted, what it means to you is what it means to you.
For some, it's power. For others, connection. For most, it's security and freedom.
Money is simply an exchange of value. A placeholder. A token of exchange.
Imagine one man with a horse who needs a bull to sire his cow.
Another man has the bull but doesn't need a horse.
They each decide what the horse is worth to HIM.
They both want the bull. Neither needs the horse.
Later comes a third man. He wants the horse and has something the second man wants.
No bull involved.
Money becomes the token that allows the exchange.
The value isn't really the money or the livestock.
It's the leverage each person has because they have something someone else wants.
Using money as the placeholder, Man #2 is able to leverage his position.
He has what Man #1 wants and knows what he wants is coming, so he leverages who he is.
"I am the man who can make happen what everyone wants, given time. Right time, right place."
What does this have to do with resistance and emotions?
Man 1 may be frustrated because he doesn't have what he needs.
Man 2 sees an opportunity to BE important to someone.
He asks, “How much is it worth to you?”
He holds the power in that exchange.
Then Man 3 wants what Man 1 once had.
The money simply moves the value from one exchange to another.
Money just IS.
It isn't good or bad.
It doesn't solve everything.
It gives you options.
With money, you can hire someone to do what you can't or don't want to do.
Life becomes more convenient.
Most people value money more than what anyone thinks or wants, including them.
Money becomes a means to an end. To what end do you NEED money?
You don't always have to be nice to get what you want if/when you have money.
As I learned to build and run a business, I learned that what people pay for and what they want are often not the same thing.
What makes us willing to spend is resonance and desire.
But what we're resonating with and the desire we're pursuing are often not what we think they are.
That's where resistance around money comes from.
We BUY what we want, not what we need.
We buy results.
A doctor can tell you to lose weight and you don't.
Tell you that you can live longer, feel healthier and have more energy to LIVE with more confidence .... and suddenly you're willing.
Bills demand to be paid.
Creditors demand recognition.
"You OWE us. How do you intend to pay?"
Money feels INTIMIDATING when you don't have it.
How bad do you want it?
What are you willing to do or give up FOR it?
How much and what kind of Time, Money and Energy do you have to GIVE?
Between time, money and energy, we think only energy is infinite.
Time and money are limited, right?
Wrong.
The time and money WE have may be limited, but they're exchangeable.
We may simply trade time for money until we realize how to play the game.
What we don't understand is the value of time.
Because over time, as we allow it, our energy grows.
While, over time, the value of money APPRECIATES, doesn't it?
What about your energy? Has that appreciated?
Has anyone (especially YOU) taken the time to recognize how much you've grown?
How well are you doing?,
No matter what you've been going through.
Who is appreciating who you are today, as opposed to who you've been?
I’m no longer the stressed out, single mom of 2 boys.
To some people, I’m no longer a friend, but merely someone they used to know.
I’m no longer the 15-year-old girl who fell in love with the beautiful, bad boy who broke her heart.
I’m no longer, for him, the one that got away.
Now, I’m who he won over TIME. By having faith in knowing what FEELS right to him.
He's no longer the bad boy, though still beautiful, I had to reclaim my heart for a moment.
He wasn't ready to care for it the way it deserves to be cared for, despite his best efforts and good intentions, the barbed wire I felt around his heart as guarded as he felt in my presence stopped stabbing at me when I let go.
His heart was/is not mine to heal, hard as I may try.
Battles with his body became HIS, not mine to deal with.
I help and support if/when/where I can, but the NEED is gone.
That's where I found peace.
I'm no longer the daughter of the two people who MADE me.
Nor am I a VICTIM of anyone or anything.
Other people, my own body, any system that tried to CLAIM me, nor any person or situation that, an one time COULD or DID have CONTROL over me.
No longer do I need to PROVE who I am, to anyone, in ANY situation.
I am the culmination of the decisions I have made over TIME.
The healed version of the girl who carried and fixed everyone else's pain,feeling unworthy of love, unable to see, let alone appreciate her own gifts.
FEELING like cursed instead of blessed, feeling LIKE a curse in people's lives.
A burden, a responsibility. Why would anyone have liked me?
I felt needed, not wanted. I kept it that way.
As long as I was needed, I have somewhere to belong, and then I resented them for needing me for too long.
("Had you listened to me in the first place, you could have saved yourself the trouble")
As my father and I fought (literally, physically) one day, he said he wanted to save me from making the same mistakes he made. I yelled to him in desperation, "Let me make my own mistakes!"
Then spent a lifetime doing the same thing to other people, without realizing it.
Triggered by resistance, unsolicited advice and doubt about my intentions, I thought I wanted one thing, but it turned out to be another.
What I wanted was to matter, to feel heard, seen and appreciated.
What I thought I wanted was money and fame. I was past and over popularity.
I used to want everyone to like me. I got over that.
Then I thought I wanted to change the whole world. That would be nice.
But MY world is what matters.
I thought money cheapened my message, making me afraid to charge.
I wasn't even sure what I was charging for.
I was mad at a world for not listening, for not hearing me.
I was mad at myself for not knowing what to say.
I was mad at anyone who doubted me or my message.
Then I was mad at how they used or didn't use THEIRI time.
I was trying to control EVERYTHING.
How people felt about me.
How they thought about me.
How they thought about life and themselves.
People would ask me why it mattered so much what other people thought about me.
I teach a philosophy about letting go that contradicts that: the NEED for anything from anyone.
When people say, “What other people think of you does not matter,” I will firmly disagree.
Who they are TO YOU and why they feel the way theyTHEY do matters. (Consider the "Source")
The people whose words I resisted, who complimented and loved me before I could love myself, MATTER.
If someone hadn't challenged MY disdain for myself, I wouldn't know who I am.
It is MY job to discern whether the fight is worth MY time and energy when I feel challenged by someone.
Am I PROTECTING myself or something important to me, or am I protecting an old belief that, actually, no longer serves me?
Who and what am I fighting? What are they protecting?
Is it worth this fight?
Is it worth MY time and energy?
As with everything, I like to ask: How bad do you want it?
How much time and energy are YOU willing to invest?
In what? In whom?
What could you gain? What could you lose?
There's truth to what the Borg said in Star Trek:
“Resistance is futile.” Hahaha.
After robbing Peter to pay Paul and wondering why and how "Paul" ran out of "money" (credit), I realized I had been "buying time". I was Paul. My energy was seeking "credit".
My creditors told me I was done "buying time".
My life was telling me that money didn't matter.
You get to decide who gets a share of YOUR time, money and energy, and, by sharing and giving OF those, you discover their value. The world doesn't have to like you, but are you worth getting to know?
Who's deciding the value of YOUR time, money and energy?
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