What If Your Anxiety Is Trying to Tell You Something?

This isn’t a lecture — it’s a conversation. Scroll down to add YOUR energy to it.

Shifting perspective from storms to sunshine

I wish...I didn't wake up with anxiety in the morning like clockwork. It starts with a knot in my stomach and spirals into panic. It's been happening for over four years.

What a shame to see...That my focus is always on me, my problems, my health, all my worries.

If only...I could be more energetic and want to do things and have fun and get out and enjoy life instead of living in fear every day.

If I could, I would...Accept these feelings and just live with them and go on and stop dwelling on every little thing. I can always talk and make other people feel good and make them smile, but I can't help myself.

Only I know who wrote those words.

You don't. That's intentional.

Because maybe, as you're reading them, you recognize yourself.

Maybe you recognize someone you love.

Maybe you immediately think, That's not me. And maybe you're right.

Or maybe something in you just got a little uncomfortable.

That's worth noticing, too.

Because, what if anxiety isn't something you are supposed to get rid of?

What if it's trying to tell you something?

Not necessarily something terrible.

Something you haven't recognized yet.

I've come to think of anxiety as the "desire to LIVE in a future moment."

You're here.

But some part of you desperately wants to be there. (in the AFTER)

You want to get through the meeting.

Get through the workday.

Get through the conversation.

Get through the relationship.

Get through the uncertainty.

Get through whatever today is going to bring.

You want to get it over with.

But here's the problem.

You may not actually KNOW what you're trying to get away from.

You only know that you don't want to feel THIS way anymore.

So let's slow that down.

What's happening right now that you don't want to still be happening later?

What are you hoping will be different tomorrow?

What are you waiting for?

A different job? A different relationship?

More money? An apology?

An opportunity? Someone to finally see you?

Someone to finally leave you alone?

Someone to finally choose you?

Or perhaps you're waiting for yourself to become someone you haven't yet given yourself permission to be.

There's something about NOW that feels missing.

What is that for YOU?

Negative feelings reveal a perceived lack of abundance.

So what feels MISSING from your life?

Have you been ALLOWING someone to DISRESPECT you?

To NOT appreciate what you bring to the table, to take YOU for granted?

Have you been disrespecting yourself by continuing to honor a commitment that was never really YOURS to own?

Are you doing what you MUST because that's what's expected of you?

Who's expecting what from you?

And why are you carrying the weight of the world?

Burdens get heavy. Exhausting, even.

Why do they exist in YOUR world?

Maybe the anxiety isn't asking you to carry it better.

Maybe it's asking you to put some of it down.

Sometimes the thing you're afraid of isn't the end of the story.

It's knowing where YOUR story goes from here.

If your job disappeared tomorrow, what would you do?

If your relationship changed, what would you do?

If someone you've been trying desperately to please decided they were no longer pleased, what would you do?

Would you be heartbroken? Probably.

Would you be scared? Absolutely.

Would some part of you also feel relieved?

That in itself can be an interesting question.

Because sometimes we aren't actually afraid of what might happen.

We're afraid of what we'd have to do after it happened.

And THAT is a very different fear.

Maybe your anxiety is what some people call your soul.

Whether it's who you call God, Your Inner Being.

Your intuition. Your higher self.

Whatever language makes sense to YOU.

Maybe it's the part of you that knows something you haven't consciously acknowledged yet.

Not necessarily: "RUN!"

Maybe simply: "Have this conversation."

First with yourself.

Then perhaps with the person whose energy seems to be making you anxious.

Your boss. Your significant other.

Your best friend. Your parent.

Your colleague. Or someone you haven't even met yet.

Before you have the conversation with them, though, you have one with yourself.

What do YOU want?

Notice what you've thought you "should" want.

Who have you been TRYING to MAKE happy.

In front of whom is it important to look good?

What are you willing to tolerate?

What do you actually WANT?

If it's your job, DON'T talk to your boss until you know what you want THEM to say.

Do you want more money? More or some recognition? Different responsibilities?

More authority? More trust? More freedom?

Are you hoping this job can become something different?

Or have you already recognized that it was simply a stepping stone? It prepared you for something that you will later appreciate.

If it's a relationship, what role have you been playing?

Not in THEIR life.

Your role in the relationship.

Are you the decision maker? The supporter?

The caretaker? The one waiting?

The one adapting? The one hoping?

And what exactly ARE you supporting?

Have you taken the time to figure out the difference between

1. what you want,

2. what you'll tolerate, and

3. what you simply WON'T participate in?

You may already KNOW more than you think.

You may have been learning what you DON'T want for quite some time.

And this is where CONNECTION enters the conversation for me.

Any negative feeling can feel incredibly ISOLATING.

I'm the one dealing with THIS.

I'm the one who FEELS this way.

I'm the one who has to figure this out.

But YOU are never the only person affected BY your energy.

Everything you DO, SAY, CHOOSE, AVOID, TOLERATE and PURSUE moves through YOUR relationships WITH other people.

You are NOT living in a vacuum. Neither is anyone else.

The friction you're feeling may be YOUR energy TRYING to catch up with a FUTURE you've already begun creating.

What that future looks like and feels like?

Only YOU know.

Deciphering that is where your answers lie.

And maybe this is why I don't want to tell you what your anxiety means.

I don't know.

You do.

I can ask questions.

I can point at something you just said and ask, "Wait. What did you mean by that?"

I can reflect something back to you that you weren't expecting to hear.

I'm a mirror.

What YOU see in that mirror belongs to YOU.

And that means you don't have to DEFEND it.

Not from me. Not from anyone.

Any judgment you have about these words belongs to YOU.

Any fear that someone will recognize themselves belongs to you.

Any discomfort belongs to you.

What you feel is YOU.

You are the Source of your energy.

I'm just reflecting what I see.

Sometimes that reflection will feel comforting.

Sometimes it will piss you off.

Good.

Not because I want to offend you.

I don't.

But because I know full well that if I ask questions honestly, eventually I'm going to touch something you don't want touched.

And that's where the most value is.

Because the challenge is where the actual LIVING happens.

Have you ever complained about the entire ride to an adventure...

...and then been surprised when the adventure didn't turn out the way you wanted?

You spent the whole trip wishing you were there already.

Wishing the traffic would move. Wishing the kids would stop asking questions.

Wishing the weather would cooperate. Wishing the trip were over.

And then you arrive.

And somehow the adventure isn't what you imagined.

Maybe because you spent the entire journey RESISTING the journey.

A happy ending isn't something you wait around hoping will happen.

It has to be cultivated.

Not controlled. Not forced.

Cultivated. You participate IN it.

You notice what works and what doesn't.

You recognize what FEELS like you.

You recognize what doesn't.

You make choices. You have conversations.

You change direction. You try again.

You allow something to end.

You allow something new to begin.

You LIVE.

Nothing means anything.

But EVERYTHING means something.

The meaning isn't necessarily hiding inside the event.

It's in what the event means to YOU.

So...

What means what to you?

What means ANYTHING to you?

And what actually means EVERYTHING to you?

Who is your everything? What is your everything?

And perhaps the question underneath all of those questions is the one anxiety has been asking you all along:

If you knew what mattered to you, what would you do differently today?