What If You Could See Yourself Differently?

This isn’t a lecture — it’s a conversation. Scroll down to add YOUR energy to it.

Mirror of Inner Transformation

I wish I could see myself the way others see me. I wish I could love myself. I wish I could wake up with peace in my head and soul.

What a shame to see myself in this darkness.

If only I could change thoughts about myself and appreciate myself more.

If I could, I would accept myself.

It's important for you to know that you are NOT alone in FEELING or thinking ANY of this.

I say this because to FEEL what you're describing is ISOLATING.

I don't feel that way now, but I remember when I did, and I felt like nobody in the world could understand how I felt.

Feeling so self-conscious about this body that you feel stuck IN.

Whether you inherited challenges or didn't always take care of or appreciate your body, where you are in your journey of self-acceptance is a lonely place to be.

The answer is NOT forcing yourself to love what you see in the mirror.

Maybe it BEGINS with noticing what you ARE actually seeing.

For years, when I looked at myself, I could see plenty.

Fat. Cellulite. Blemishes. Imperfections.

I didn't go blind. My body did not become perfect since then.

I was looking through a filter.

I was JUDGING myself based on what I THOUGHT the world wanted to see.

Based on who I thought the world thought I was SUPPOSED to be.

Eventually, I realized something had changed.

I could still see those things.

But I just don't automatically decide they're bad.

What's changed is MY perspective.

My past didn't change. My body may or may not have changed.

My perception has changed. My body is no longer filled with resentment and regret.

The fat on my body represents the abundance of food I've been blessed to share with people I love.

The stretch marks on my belly tell stories about my children.

My hair is an accessory my cat plays with, something my husband enjoys, and a way I get to express myself. Sometimes I grow it. Sometimes I cut it short because I don't want to spend the time on it.

My body isn't suddenly perfect.

My relationship with what I see changed.

Living without the costume

Living in a naturist community has taught me something I don't think I could have learned quite the same way anywhere else.

Here, naked doesn't mean sexual. Naked is just what nature provides.

Sex can be talked about without shame, but sexual behavior is private.

People come in all ages, backgrounds, body types, orientations, histories and circumstances.

Some are looking for love. Some aren't.

Some are outgoing. Some want privacy.

Some have public lives. Some keep this part of their life a secret.

Once the usual signals are removed, conversation becomes remarkably revealing.

You don't necessarily know what someone drives, what their house looks like, how much money they have, what designer label they're wearing, or what image they're trying to project.

You get the person.

I call it forced authenticity.

Not because anyone is forced to be naked. They aren't.

But once you remove some of the things we normally use to identify, categorize and present ourselves, you get to notice what actually matters.

Respect matters. Boundaries matter.

How you treat people matters. Whether you genuinely connect matters.

And I've noticed something else.

People here notice each other differently.

Sometimes someone notices something another person may be self-conscious about and apologizes for noticing.

Sometimes a comment lands differently than intended and someone apologizes for the response it created.

People aren't perfect here. There is drama. Some personalities do clash.

People feel judged. People misunderstand each other.

But I've seen an extraordinary amount of compassion.

Someone doesn't have to be liked by everyone.

Sometimes you simply spend time with the people who genuinely LIKE you.

Sometimes you keep to yourself for a while.

People here generally let you.

There is something FREEING about being accepted as you are while still being responsible for how your energy affects everyone else.

What do you do with a compliment?

This took me longer to understand than it probably should have.

Someone would compliment me, and I would immediately explain why they were wrong.

"You look beautiful."

• "Yeah, but my hair is doing this weird thing."

"I love your outfit."

• "Well, this doesn't actually fit right."

I thought I was being humble.

A friend finally told me:

"Shut up and say thank you."

She was right. I wasn't being humble.

I was dismissing her opinion.

She was offering me appreciation, and I was overriding it with MY criticism of myself.

I was reinforcing MY belief that nothing I did was good enough.

She saw something she liked.

I told her why she shouldn't.

So now I wonder:

What if part of seeing yourself the way others see you is simply allowing yourself to receive what they are showing you?

Not believing every compliment. Not requiring everyone to agree with you.

Just allowing someone else's positive experience of you to exist without immediately arguing with it.

Start smaller than love

If looking at yourself in the mirror brings up a flood of criticism, don't demand that you suddenly love everything.

That's a lot to ask of a person who doesn't feel safe with what they're seeing.

Try appreciation instead. Find one thing.

ANYTHING.

Your eyes. Your hands.

Your hair. Your skin.

Your ability to breathe.

Your legs for carrying you.

Your belly for holding the stories it holds.

Your body doesn't have to EARN your appreciation by becoming something different first.

And if the mirror feels like too much, don't start there.

Write. Or talk to someone you trust.

Ask your partner what they appreciate about the thing you criticize.

Then practice something that sounds almost ridiculously simple:

Listen.

You don't have to agree.

You don't have to defend yourself.

Just listen.

Or close your eyes

One of my favorite ways to explore my own energy is through breath.

Close your eyes. Feel the air enter your body.

Feel it move. Notice where you feel it.

For me, inhaling feels like receiving what is coming toward me.

Exhaling feels like releasing something that has already happened.

I imagine inhaling the future that's happening, the life I created or manifested.

The exhale is blowing out breath I have already breathed, moving MY energy into my past.

Not because there is a scientifically prescribed direction for energy to travel.

Because it gives me something to PLAY with.

You can make your own version.

Breathe in. This is me now.

Breathe out. That was me then.

Breathe in what is here.

Breathe out what is finished.

There is no test.

You're not trying to achieve enlightenment before breakfast.

You're simply noticing.

What hurts now may not hurt forever

Who you are today is the culmination of the decisions, experiences, relationships, reactions and choices that brought you HERE.

The version of you who felt hurt, insecure or afraid doesn't need to be destroyed to make room for the next version.

They need to be RECOGNIZED.

Accepted. Heard.

Maybe even thanked.

A broken bone can eventually become a story about something you survived.

A broken heart can become evidence of how far you've traveled from where you once were.

The thing you criticize today may someday become the thing that reminds you of who you were, what you survived, what you learned, who you loved, or what you became.

That doesn't mean you have to pretend you like everything.

Criticize yourself. It's room for improvement, but through YOUR eyes.

Not to seek someone else's approval.

Ask yourself:

What am I actually seeing? What does this mean to me?

Why does it matter?

What am I afraid someone else will think?

What do I appreciate? What has changed?

What is better or worse than it used to be?

Because while you're asking how much worse something can or will get, have you considered asking what already looks or feels BETTER than it did yesterday?

You don't have to become someone else to feel better.

Have you been demanding that the person you already ARE prove they are no longer who they (you) used to be?

Maybe THAT is where acceptance begins.

Not with loving the entire reflection.

Not with waking up tomorrow completely at peace.

Just one piece at a time.

Look. Notice.

Appreciate. Breathe.

Then see what happens to the energy.

If you're willing to share your experience, I'd love to hear it.

What do you see when you look at yourself?

What do you criticize? What do you appreciate?

And what happens when you allow someone else to tell you what they see without arguing with them?

No judgment. Just a conversation.

Sometimes the conversations we have privately are the ones worth bringing into the light.

Comments are anonymous. Nobody knows who you are but me.

The value is in how the conversation flows, no matter the source.

The source of what matters is YOU. Your opinions, ideas, and contributions to each conversation.