TRYING People

The two things WE cannot change are the past and other people.

We cannot change someone as a person, but we CAN influence who they are in OUR presence.

We joke about how our pets "train" us. They do. Just the same as we're training them.

When we do THIS, we want them their REACTION to be THAT.

When they want US to feed them, they give us a sign.

They communicate their needs with their actions.

We can't read their mind, so we watch for clues into what they might want.

With people, we take their WORDS at "face value."

We don't always see or look at their face while they're saying the words they chose, but we REACT.

What they say and what they mean may not be the same.

They may SAY, "Do this. Do that." As if they know what YOU should be doing.

But what that MEANS is, "I'm looking at so much to be done. I'm overwhelmed."

Trying to sound IN CONTROL, they bark orders, determined to finish what needs to be done sounding confidently.

What they WANT is for someone to say they get it. They understand.

They want someone to notice their EFFORT.

Effort means they want to impress someone. Maybe someone specific. Maybe just ANYONE.

Validation is what they seek.

There's someone they don't want to let down.

Whether it's YOU or themselves, their determined to achieve something.

For their own benefit or for fear of letting down someone that matters to them.

If their DETERMINATION being misaligned affects YOU, your job, or something that matters to you, then their misalignment BECOMES your problem. So what can YOU do about that?

Have you ever gotten annoyed at someone just for being good at what YOU struggle with?

Someone being frazzled in your presence COULD annoy you, or

You could take the unspoken compliment and ask how you could help,

Adding into conversation, of course, any pressure you feel on anything that might console them.

They connect with you, now that you reminded them that you're just as human as they are.

Also, now you've shown them the compassion they were seeking, calming down their nerves so they can stop getting in your way.

This is just reverse engineering. Reversing the flow.

Them being intimidated by you means you have or know something they want for themselves.

In this case, CONFIDENCE.

They TRY our patience because they try too hard.

To be who they think YOU expect them to be

What feels so repulsive about this kind of energy is the DESPERATION that reeks.

To what you say, they're not listening. They can't hear actual words.

Stuck in their own doubtful energy, all they hear is your doubt.

They feel your words or lack thereof.

Silence only perpetuates their desperation.

While it's not your job to manage someone else's emotions, the dismissal of the energy TRYING connect, reveals YOUR resistance to connection.

Showing compassion is not weak or being fake.

Listening takes up nothing but time.

If you have something more important to do, go do it.

But if their energy is what stands in YOUR way, what do YOU want to do about it?

You can't change them. No one is asking you to change who you are.

Their fighting some fight within them.

What are you fighting FOR?

What are you fighting ABOUT?

With their focus on them and what works best for THEM. With your focus on you and what works or doesn't work for YOU, who's solving the problem you're supposed to be solving TOGETHER?

Is it you against each other or both of you against a problem?

Whether you chose or were assigned to whomever we're talking about, what you have control over is the energy that you're allowing, sharing and resisting.

What kind of energy do YOU bring to the table?

The problem is rarely the problem you think it is.

This is the difference between knowing what you can and can't control.

After seeking and searching, then solving this puzzle that IS life,

I was granted the serenity to accept the things I could not change, the courage to change what I can.

The wisdom to know the difference, and the empowerment that came with that, became the message that I wanted to share.